Each week our minister will put up a “Word for the Week” that we hope you will find thought-provoking and/or helpful… even if not overtly “religious”.
Please remember to check back to catch the new ones or scroll through some of the earlier ones.
Friday 20th December 2019
“I learned that it is the weak who are cruel, and that gentleness is to be expected only from the strong.”
Leo Calvin Rosten (April 11, 1908 – February 19, 1997) was an American humourist in the fields of scriptwriting, story writing, journalism, and Yiddish lexicography. He was also a political scientist interested especially in the relationship of politics and the media.
Friday 13th December 2019
“It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness.”
Friday 29th November 2019
“Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one’s weakness. It is better, in prayer, to have a heart without words, than words without a heart.
Friday 22nd November 2019
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.”
Friday 15th November 2019
“To conquer oneself is a greater victory than to conquer thousands in a battle”
Friday 8th November 2019
“Live as if you were to die tomorrow.
Learn as if you were to live forever.”
“The weak can never forgive.
Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.”
“I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.”
Friday 3rd November 2019
Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Friday 25th October 2019
“Those who are not looking for happiness are the most likely to find it, because those who are searching forget that the surest way to be happy is to seek happiness for others.”
Martin Luther King Jr.
Friday 18th October 2019
Carefully watch your thoughts, for they become your words.
Manage and watch your words, for they will become your actions.
Consider and judge your actions, for they have become your habits.
Acknowledge and watch your habits, for they shall become your values.
Understand and embrace your values, for they become your destiny.
Friday 11th October 2019
Viktor Frankl, a Jewish psychiatrist, survived the horrors of Auschwitz. He describes the power of humour in enduring the unendurable…
“I practically trained a friend of mine who worked next to me on the building site to develop a sense of humour. I suggested to him that we would promise each other to invent at least one amusing story daily, about some incident that could happen one day after our liberation. He was a surgeon and had been an assistant on the staff of a large hospital. So I once tried to get him to smile by describing to him how he would be unable to lose the habits of camp life when he returned to his former work. On the building site (especially when the supervisor made his tour of inspection) the foreman encouraged us to work faster by shouting: “Action! Action!” I told my friend, “One day you will be back in the operating room, performing a big abdominal operation. Suddenly an orderly will rush in announcing the arrival of the senior surgeon by shouting, ‘Action! Action!’””
Brain Pickings website (article entitled “Viktor Frankl on Humor as a Lifeline to Sanity and Survival”)
Friday 27th September 2019
“We are slowed down sound and light waves, a walking bundle of frequencies tuned into the cosmos. We are souls dressed up in sacred biochemical garments and our bodies are the instruments through which our souls play their music.”
Friday 20th September 2019
SHAKESPEARE on short-term gratification and its perils…
“What win I, if I gain the thing I seek?
A dream, a breath, a froth of fleeting joy.
Who buys a minute’s mirth to wail a week?
Or sells eternity to get a toy?
For one sweet grape who will the vine destroy?”
William Shakespeare, The Rape of Lucrece
Friday 13th September 2019
“The full humanization of man requires the breakthrough from the possession-centred to the activity-centred orientation, from selfishness and egotism to solidarity and altruism.”
Friday 30th August 2019
“If we take man as he really is, we make him worse. But if we overestimate him … we promote him to what he really can be. So we have to be idealists, in a way — because then we wind up as the true, the real realists.”
Friday 23rd August 2019
Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin in. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Friday 16th August 2019
Real wisdom is not the knowledge of everything, but the knowledge of which things in life are necessary, which are less necessary, and which are completely unnecessary to know. Among the most necessary knowledge is the knowledge of how to live well, that is, how to produce the least possible evil and the greatest goodness in one’s life. At present, people study useless sciences, but forget to study this, the most important knowledge.
Jean Jaques Rousseau
Friday 9th August 2019
Einstein on affirming our interdependence as human beings, as well as the criticality of cultural and scientific transmission across the generations…
“When we survey our lives and endeavours we soon observe that almost the whole of our actions and desires are bound up with the existence of other human beings. We see that our whole nature resembles that of the social animals. We eat food that others have grown, wear clothes that others have made, live in houses that others have built. The greater part of our knowledge and beliefs has been communicated to us by other people through the medium of a language which others have created. Without language, our mental capacities would be poor indeed, comparable to those of the higher animals. We have, therefore, to admit that we owe our principal advantage over the beasts to the fact of living in human society. The individual, if left alone from birth, would remain primitive and beast-like in his thoughts and feelings to a degree that we can hardly conceive. The individual is what he is and has the significance that he has not so much in virtue of his individuality, but rather as a member of a great human society, which directs his material and spiritual existence from the cradle to the grave.”
Friday 2nd August 2019
“Everybody has certain ideals which determine the direction of their endeavours and their judgments. In this sense I have never looked upon ease and happiness as ends in themselves — such an ethical basis I call more proper for a herd of swine. The ideals which have lighted me on my way and, time after time, given me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been Truth, Goodness, and Beauty. Without the sense of fellowship with those of like mind, of preoccupation with the objective, the eternally unattainable in the field of art and scientific research, life would have seemed to me empty.”
Friday 28th July 2019
“We cannot solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them.”
Friday 19th July 2019
“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when one contemplates the mystery of eternity, of life, of the marvellous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries to comprehend only a little bit of this mystery every day.”
Friday 12th July 2019
Exploration of the full range of his one’s potentialities is not something that the self-renewing person leaves to the chances of life. It is something they pursue systematically, or at least avidly, to the end of their days. They look forward to an endless and unpredictable dialogue between their potentialities and the claims of life — not only the claims they encounter, but the claims they invent. And by potentialities I mean not just skills, but the full range of their capacities for sensing, wondering, learning, understanding, loving, aspiring.
Social scientist John W. Gardner
Quoted on the Brain Pickings website
Friday 5th July 2019
The Gift of Friendship…
Friendship, C.S. Lewis believed, “like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself … has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”
But the poetic beauty of this sentiment crumbles into untruth for anyone who has ever been buoyed from the pit of despair by the unrelenting kindness of a friend, or whose joys have been amplified by a friend’s warm willingness to bear witness.
By Maria Popova, from the BRAIN PICKINGS website:
Friday 28th June 2019
“The one important thing I have learned over the years is the difference between taking one’s work seriously and taking one’s self seriously. The first is imperative and the second is disastrous.”
Monday 24th June 2019
Letting go of the assumed expectations of others…
“The key to finding your purpose is finding your individual strengths, your individual skills, and focussing on what matters most to you.”
“Which brings us to another key concept of mastering stress: You have to let go of what others think. Take a moment to think honestly, truly, and reflectively about how much of the stress in your life is created by your own wants, needs and perceptions, and how much of the stress in your life is created by what you assume to be other peoples’ wants, needs and perceptions. Often our stressors are fundamentally caused by what we think others expect of us, and by our attempts to live our lives to please other people. We have to let go of that: to let go of what others expect our calling to be; to let go of what we worry others will think of what we see to be our calling; and instead live our own authentic lives.”
Kimberlee Bethany Bonura
Lecture 18: Learning from your Stress
Great Courses lecture series entitled How to Make Stress work for you.
Monday 17th June 2019
On the anxiety to please…
“All tension comes from anxiety to please, and eventually you have to come round to the view, quite simply, that what you have to offer is good enough.”
Monday 27th May 2019
A quote by George Bernard Shaw…
“This is the true joy in life: the being used for a purpose, recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature, instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.
I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community, and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can.
I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no “brief candle” for me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.”
Between stimulus and response…
Monday 20th May 2019
A quote from an anonymous book, as reported by the author Stephen Covey…
Between stimulus and response is a space.
In this space lies our freedom to choose our response.
In these choices lie our growth and our happiness.
OPTIMISM & PESSIMISM
Monday 22nd April 2019
Is the glass half-full or half-empty?
This is the classic metaphorical question that speaks to the differing mindsets of optimism and pessimism. Optimism focusses more upon the positives in the situation, more upon the possibilities for positive change. Pessimism, in contrast, focusses more on the negatives, more upon the intractable difficulties.
None of us sees the world as it is. In a sense, it is more accurate to say that we see the world as we are. Those of a more negative and pessimistic mindset tend to ‘see’ more of the negativity in situations, in their life, in the world. In contrast, optimists ‘see’ more of the positive in situations; the world and life seems, to them, lighter and more hopeful.
“How’s that working out for you?”
This is really a better question than, “Which out of optimism and pessimism is more realistic?”
Neither optimism nor pessimism are truly ‘realistic.’
None of us have a direct interpretational access to ‘reality.’
Whether my mindset is habitually positive (optimistic) or negative (pessimistic), the key question is: “How’s that working out for me?”
If you happen to be habitually pessimistic, yet find that particular mindset empowering, enriching and life-giving, then go for it!
More often, however, if we are truly honest with ourselves, we can detect within the pessimistic mindset – and we can all be pessimistic from time to time – a strong tendency toward disempowerment and inertia. If we always see the negative in situations, then we tend to view any possible solution to the present problem in a negative light: “Why bother? That won’t work. There’s no use trying.” As pessimists, we often end up stuck, because we see no way out.
In fact, as a pessimist, I can become pretty darn pessimistic about ever becoming optimistic! I was born a pessimist, and I’m destined to die a pessimist… or am I?
THE ANTIDOTE TO PESSIMISM: POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY and ‘LEARNED OPTIMISM’ TO THE RESCUE
The psychologist, Martin Seligman, is one of the founders of the so-called ‘Positive Psychology’ movement, where the focus shifts away from the myriad psychological ‘problems’ that beset people, to focus instead upon sources of strength and resilience, and approaches that allow us to flourish as human beings.
Seligman is famous for, early in his career, discovering and defining something called ‘Learned Helplessness,’ where early negative life experiences can cause us to lose hope in later situations; based on past experiences, where we had limited or no control, we then generalise this experience to other situations, where we stop looking for solutions to problems. We give up, because there is no way out. We have learned to be ‘helpless’; we have learned to be pessimistic of our ability to change things for the better.
Rather wonderfully, Seligman later followed up this unpleasant discovery of learned helplessness with a solution which he termed Learned Optimism. He has discovered, through empirically tested research, that it is actually possible to overcome learned helplessness. It is possible to change one’s mindset from pessimism to optimism. He has even created a catchy, easy-to-remember approach: the 3Ps and the 3Ds.
THE 3Ps OF PESSIMISM: Personal, Pervasive and Permanent
The pessimistic mindset is characterised by three ways of looking at the situation.
The present situation isn’t merely something that has happened, and which can, from time to time, happen to anyone. Instead, the present situation represents a personal failing. The situation is like it is (bad) because I am personally deficient in some way.
The present problem isn’t seen in isolation. (“I have a problem in this area of my life, and at this time.”) Instead, we ‘extrapolate’ and come to see this as illustrating how everything is problematic in some way. (“This is a stuff-up, just like everything else in life!”)
The present problem isn’t seen as temporary, as something that can and will change. Instead, it will forever remain a problem and there’s nothing that will change this.
THE 3Ds AS AN ANTIDOTE TO PESSIMISM: Dispute, Distance, and Distract
Pay attention! Notice the unconscious or semi-conscious habitual thought processes you engage in. Catch yourself when you start thinking negative or pessimistic thoughts. Challenge yourself and dispute these thought processes! “Where’s your evidence that everything is bad?!” “How do you know for a fact that nothing can be done about it?”
When you notice your thoughts habitually going down a negative track, you can shake up this thought pattern. Slap the wall or a table and yell “STOP!” to break the pattern. If the ‘negative situation’ you’re thinking about can be worked on and fixed, then work out when you can work on it and then resolve to attend to it at that time. In the meantime, don’t waste your time thinking about it! One of the best ways to silence habitually negative unconscious or semi-conscious thought patterns is to focus your mind upon something else, ideally something that requires your full attention. When our mind is consciously focussed upon something specific and attention-demanding, it has less scope to go off with the fairies down some negative, pessimistic trail.
Psychologically ‘step outside yourself’ and watch your negative, pessimistic thought processes. This can be a very powerful thing to do, as it can induce a psychological shift whereby you are, in a sense, no longer a pessimistic thinker, but rather someone who is observing and witnessing pessimistic thinking, and contemplating its validity. This can activate our awareness that what we think about is actually a choice, rather than it being some automated, semi-conscious and self-destructive habit we have gotten into.
Learned Optimism, Martin Seligman
Putting the ‘Big Rocks’ in first…
Monday 15th April 2019
The author Stephen Covey, in his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, offers a powerful image to illustrate the importance of not only identifying that which is most important in our life, but also to ensure that this is given the attention that it deserves.
Consider a glass jar which you intend to fill with a variety of ‘things’: sand, small pebbles, larger pebbles, and also some big rocks. If we begin by first adding sand to the jar, and then the smaller pebbles, then the larger pebbles, by the time we get to the big rocks, there remains no space for them to fit. In contrast, if we put the Big Rocks in first, we discover that the pebbles and the sand can ‘fit in’ between the spaces around the big rocks. The key to using the space is that we simply must put the Big Rocks in first!
Unless we wish the important things (Big Rocks) in our life to be squeezed out by the unimportant (the pebbles, the sand), we simply must put the Big Rocks in first!
On Success & Happiness…
Monday 8th April 2019
Some of us spend our lives in search of success, or perhaps in search of an elusive happiness. The great Viktor Frankl, Jewish psychiatrist and survivor of the horrors of Auschwitz, has a very different take on these two goals.
“Again and again I admonish my students, both in Europe and America: ‘Don’t aim at success – the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it does so as the unintended side-effect of one’s dedication to a cause greater than oneself, or as a by-product of one’s surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success: you have to let it happen by not caring about it. I want you to do what your conscious commands you to do, and go on to carry it out to the best of your knowledge. Then you will live to see that in the long run – in the long run, I say! – success will follow you precisely because you had forgotten to think about it.'”
Preface to the 1991 edition of Man’s Search for Meaning.