Friday Funny
2020-09-25 Friday Funny
2020-09-18 Friday Funny
2020-09-11 Friday Funny
Some of the lost verses from Genesis …
On the first day, God created the dog and said: “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.”
The dog said: “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?”
God saw that it was good, so he agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said: “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.”
The monkey said: “Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?”
God saw that it was good, so he agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said: “You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves, and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.”
The cow said: “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?”
God saw that it was good, so he agreed.
On the fourth day, God created man and said: “Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.” But man
said: “Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?”
“Okay,” said God, “You asked for it.”
So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Michael Dowling
2020-09-04 Friday Funny
2020-08-28 Friday Funny
2020-08-23 Friday Funny
2020-08-14 Friday Funny
Passenger: why should I have to wear a mask if yours works?
Driver: damn good point *turns off headlights*
Passenger: what are you doing it’s dark?
Driver: chill the other cars have theirs’ on.
2020-08-07 Friday Funny
Church Notices:
The following announcements actually appeared in various church bulletins:
- Don’t let worry kill you – let the church help.
- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
- For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
- This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
- Tuesday at 4:00pm there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
- Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs Johnson will sing “Put me in my little bed” accompanied by the pastor.
- Thursday at 5:00pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be “Little Mothers” will meet with the Pastor in his study.
- The service will close with “Little Drops of Water”. One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
- Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.
- The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Thanks for the laughs Penny!
2020-07-31 Friday Funny
Been to Church lately? Click on attached link https://youtu.be/xOWjRVmAdTo
2020-07-24 Friday Funny
A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said,
‘If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.’
With even greater emphasis he said,
‘And if I had All the wine in the world, I’d take it and pour it into the river.’
And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said,
‘And if I had all the whiskey in the world,
I’d take it and pour it into the river.’
Sermon complete, he sat down…
The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, nearly laughing, ‘For our closing song, let us sing
Hymn #365, ‘Shall We Gather at the River.’
thanks to Michael Bull
2020-07-17 Friday Funny
2020-07-10 Friday Funny
2020-07-03 Friday Funny
Now this is what I call a complicated family tree!
Click on the link:- https://youtu.be/eYlJH81dSiw
2020-06-26 Friday Funny
Post-Lockdown advice?
As we transition back to live services, perhaps we can glean some tips from Bethany Baptist Church, Pwllgwaun, Wales. Kindly provided by Trevor Sutcliffe’s sister.
2020-06-19 Friday Funny
2020-06-12 Friday Funny
For the dog lovers among us…
2020-06-05 Friday Funny
Donald J. Trump is perhaps better known for his prose than his poetry, but this may be to under-sell his achievements in poetry, as this masterful example demonstrates…
I never understood wind.
You know, I know
windmills very much.
I have studied it
better than anybody
else. It’s very expensive.
They are made in China
and Germany mostly.
—Very few made here, almost none,
but they are manufactured, tremendous
—if you are into this—
tremendous fumes. Gases are
spewing into the atmosphere. You know
we have a world
right?
So the world
is tiny
compared to the universe.
So tremendous, tremendous
amount of fumes and everything.
You talk about
the carbon footprint
— fumes are spewing into the air.
Right? Spewing.
Whether it’s in China,
Germany, it’s going into the air.
It’s our air
their air
everything — right?
A windmill will kill many bald eagles.
After a certain number
they make you turn the windmill off.
That is true.
—By the way
they make you turn it off.
And yet, if you killed one
they put you in jail.
That is OK.
You want to see a bird graveyard?
You just go.
Take a look.
A bird graveyard.
Go under a windmill someday,
you’ll see
more birds
than you’ve ever seen
in your life.
~ D. Trump
12/21/2019
ORIGINAL YOUTUBE CLIP: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ec9P3C1OXqE
2020-05-29 Friday Funny
2020-05-22 Friday Funny
2020-05-15 Friday Funny
The Sound of Sirens (Sound of Silence Lockdown Parody)
The Kiffness
2020-05-01 Friday Funny
Brad Pitt plays Dr. Fauci on Saturday Night Live
Recently, US infectious diseases expert, Dr. Anthony Fauci, was asked by a reporter a joking hypothetical question about who he would prefer played him on Saturday Night Live when the show returned? “Oh, Brad Pitt, of course!” he replied, laughing. Well, he got his wish…
If the video link box doesn’t display, search the page for:
“Pitt’s Dr Fauci pokes fun at Trump on Saturday Night Live”
OR…go to:
https://twitter.com/nbcsnl/status/1254252640399249408
(make sure you go to the top of the Twitter page, or you may just see the interview with Fauci himself)
2020-04-17 Friday Funny
2020-04-17 Friday Funny
We’ve suddenly become used to teleconferencing and videoconferencing (“zooming”), so we may appreciate the “It’s funny because it’s true” nature of this one:-
A Conference Call in Real Life
The next time you berate yourself for doing something “silly,” you can remember this video and…cut yourself some slack!
2020-04-03 Friday Funny
For those who enjoy musical parodies, here’s one from “Wicked”.
https://www.broadwayworld.com/videoplay/VIDEO-Gina-Naomi-Baez-and-Christina-Bianco-Release-WICKED-Parody-What-Is-This-Quarantine-20200328
2020-03-27 Friday Funny
This is our first Friday Funny spot, a new idea to lighten and brighten our day in these tumultuous times. This week, we have two musical numbers for you. No prizes for guessing on which topic!
CORONAVIRUS RHAPSODY
If you are unfamiliar with the iconic song Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen, then in order to fully appreciate this particular lampoon, you should first acquaint yourself with the original!
Original Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFP-GlX3HjQ
Coronavirus Rhapsody
https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=share&v=8KPbJ0-DxTc
ARMAGEDDON-IT-ON!!!
This song was sung at the end of the recent ABC program Q and
https://youtu.be/NIgt7fS5N9A